i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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