Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
