ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
