I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize