I got chris browned last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
