SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
