There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
