he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
