this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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