I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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