I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
