had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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