oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she told me i tasted like america
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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