I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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