watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
