So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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