He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
