had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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