ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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