he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
