There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
