I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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