Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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