try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
