she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ttyl tear gas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
