The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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