if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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