You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
