I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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