Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
