Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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