When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
