the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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