Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
