If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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