During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
