I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
how does that bad decision feel?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
