And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
