ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
