Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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