im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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