Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
