I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
