I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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