Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
