I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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