omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.