singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!