i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm