I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got inside last night via doggy door
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.