Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"