I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?