So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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