I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.