Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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