This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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