One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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