Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
