She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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