1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I checked into jail on foursquare
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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