chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
