How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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