I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
