no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
