Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no, he came in my armpit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
