I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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