How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
