Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
