I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
