A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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