A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
