id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
