My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
third nipple confirmed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
