I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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